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The Prosecution: Beth

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything constantly. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when strangers see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

She also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest assisting her make content.

I’m grateful that Marielle has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an audience. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my version of living actively: observing the details, posting them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my method of sharing opportunities, giving her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we create together can achieve: an opening. I know not all people likes being on camera, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes material genuine. Being recorded from time to time is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but friends help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was recording a short video here or there would be fun for her. Innovation thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I value our friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop recording herself and her friend when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She must to honor her friend's personal space.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some real experiences, where genuine feelings are preserved, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been exploiting their friendship?